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OK, I admit it… like many Americans these days in search of “better faster cheaper” I fell prey to a book (supported by Dr. Phil, though!) that proclaims to “Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day!”. Yes, my first name is Susan, spelled S-U-C-K-E-R.

Honestly, though, reading about this approach it sounded very sensible and attainable—there is actually a ton of preparation and hard work that occurs before the “Big Day”, and it seemed like a nice middle ground between the “all-naked-all-weekend” approach (which we would have to do indoors here in SF and which would come with a hefty carpet-cleaning bill I am sure) and the “just-let-your-child-tell-you-when-she-is-ready-go-at-her-own-pace” approach (which I worried wouldn’t have Keilani potty-trained until she was 10 years old).

This “Dr. Phil” approach (not that I’m a big Dr. Phil person or anything, but I did buy into his “seal of approval” a little bit) advocates that the best way to have your child learn something is for them to teach someone else. This makes sense, and so you buy this cute little anatomically-correct doll that your child can feed and it pees on command. By having your child teach the doll how to go potty on the “big girl potty”, your child also learns what to do. (You can read more about this approach here.)

In Preparation for “The Big Day”

So, we did our prep and hard work—talked up all of the wonderful things our daughter can do because she is a “Big Girl”, took her shopping for special “Big Girl” underwear and cotton training pants, introduced her to the new doll (she loved playing with the doll), bought the special toilet seats for tiny bottoms and a little stepstool, and prepared her (and ourselves) for her big “Potty Party”.

The Big Day!

On Keilani’s “Big Day” we changed the doll into her “big girl training pants” and changed Keilani into hers, and did a “Hooray! No more diapers!” cheer. Keilani fed the doll and taught her how to “go pee” on the toilet very successfully with some help from Mommy and Daddy. We cheered and cheered for the doll and let the doll have a special treat (a jellybean, which Keilani ate). So far, so good! We explained that big girls went pee on the potty and always had dry underpants—the “desired” behavior we were hoping for from our daughter. We then had Keilani practice peeing on the potty (the whole routine—go to the potty, pull down your pants, pee, wipe, flush, wash hands) and she was really happy. We did a “dry pants check” on the doll and Keilani and they were both dry so each got another special treat.

Accidents Will Happen…

However, before we could make the doll have an accident, Keilani peed her own pants! (According to the book, you are supposed to make the doll have an accident and then show your child the “negative consequences” of an accident by making the doll practice going potty 10 times.) As we hadn’t “taught” the doll this behavior yet we didn’t make Keilani do any “practice runs”. Instead, we calmly cleaned her up and put on new training pants and said that pee goes in the potty. We could tell that she was a little upset when she went pee (I’m sure she had no idea what was happening—diapers these days keep kids so dry they hardly ever feel wet) and we were positive and supportive and said, “that’s OK, you’re just learning, that’s how everyone learns, and next time you’ll go in the potty!”. Sure enough, the next time she DID go pee in the potty and we threw her a little potty party!

“Hooray!”, we thought, “She did it!” and we were so excited and happy for her. She was so proud of herself, too, which was terrific. She received another special treat and a sticker for her chart and we thought “She gets it! We’re on the home stretch!”

More Accidents…

However, it went downhill quickly from there… Keilani had several more accidents all day long and only one other minor success (actually she coughed while on the potty and a little pee came out).

The book said that by the end of the day your child should have initiated going pee in the potty twice and that you can then consider them successfully trained (minus a few more accidents in the upcoming days and bowel movement training).

I was beginning to understand that this “Just One Day” method might in fact take several more days than we had anticipated! I wasn’t sure if Keilani was just not ready (possibly), or if we were just lousy teachers (probably), or a combination of the two (most likely), but Keilani had accident after accident throughout the rest of the day.

We did our best to cheer her on, watch her closely, and get her on the potty successfully, but to no avail—by the end of the day she had had only two “successes” (if you count the cough, and believe me we were counting everything at that point!) and 10 accidents! She didn’t seem to be recognizing the feeling BEFORE she needed to go—several times she peed immediately after getting off of the potty, and once right on the bathroom floor before she even had her “big girl training pants” back up!

At the end of the day, we concluded that she was just not ready yet and made plans to go to a local county fair the next day to get us all out of the house and enjoy the rare sunny summer heat wave happening in San Francisco.

Day Two of “Just One Day” Potty Training

However, the next morning Keilani woke up SUPER-EXCITED about the potty and in the morning actually *initiated* going to the potty all by herself AND had a huge successful pee in the potty! Hooray! We were so proud of her and decided to at least give her the morning and see what happened before throwing in the towel.

Sure enough, she peed successfully in the potty a few more times, but also had a few more accidents. But she was SO EXCITED to be a “big girl” and SO EXCITED to use the potty and SO PROUD of herself that we kept on keeping on, and Day Two passed with a few more successful pees and many more accidents.

Day Three of “Just One Day” Potty Training

Today is Day Three of our “Just One Day” potty-training story and Keilani still hasn’t initiated going pee in the potty twice (although she’s gone successfully in the potty several more times with our prompting). She is also constipated, for I think possibly the first time ever! I’m not sure if this new milestone is making her feel threatened in some way (or if she has just eaten too many chocolate M&M’s over the past two days), but she has not pooped since Saturday morning before we started the training! Today she asked for her diapers back (I could tell she needed to poop) and I of course said “sure” and put one on her because I think she’s afraid to poop in the potty and I don’t want her first poop in the potty to be painful (nor any of them, for that matter!).

So at Day Three we are currently back in diapers and waiting to see how the week progresses. If she just does not seem to be ready then we will drop it and stick with diapers for now, but if she is interested at home maybe we will keep it up here at least and see how she does with it. She really does love being a “Big Girl” and is always so proud of herself when she does go pee on the potty! She loves wearing her “Big Girl” underwear (Gerber Cotton Training Pants) and loves putting her success stickers on her chart.

Conclusion

Now that I have dialed my expectations down a little bit from my former “Just One Day!” mindset, it appears that we are indeed using the “just-let-your-child-lead-the-way” approach, and I’m happy with that! I’ll keep you posted on our (her) progress—hopefully Mommy and Daddy can help her figure it all out before she is 10!

Tags: family, Keilani, potty

So, like Spinal Tap, I must need to turn it up to ELEVEN posts to get to another page. And you thought this blog was just about my adventures in parenting!

Yesterday was a typical San Francisco summer day, freezing cold, foggy, and downright depressing. So what is a mommy to do with two kids who need to get outside and play? Try an indoor playground? (They actually have those here– Recess Urban Recreation, which, of course, was CLOSED on Wednesdays.) Take them to the aquarium? (Rats, closed under renovation until October.) Take them to the mall? (Way too hard to get my toddler off of the escalators, and too tempting for Mommy to spend money.) No, we needed some good old fashioned sunshine!

So we headed just 15 minutes South of the City to Central Park in San Mateo. Wow, what a difference 15 minutes can make! The sun was shining, it was 77 degrees, birds were singing, and my girls were laughing and playing. It was such a wonderful afternoon– Keilani made several new friends at the playground and Malia had a nice nap in the Baby Bjorn and enjoyed watching Keilani slide and swing and run around. We even had ice cream from the ice cream man. Keilani can sometimes be timid in new surroundings, but I think she was so happy to get out of the fog that she dove right into the park with gusto! It was so fun to watch her fearlessly try all of the slides and things all by herself.

We will definitely give Central Park another try the next time the fog rolls into town (soon, I’m sure!).

Tags: Keilani, malia

I am now “Mommy”, and sometimes even “Mom”. I miss the days of “Mama”, and I’m not quite sure when “Mama” turned into “Mommy”! Keilani’s name has also evolved…. her best friend Sebastian (also 2) calls her “Lani”, and she calls herself “Kani” or more recently “Kei-nani”. She calls her sister Malia “Mia” or “Ma-EE-a!”. I love the nicknames and hope they will continue! I’m still known as “Susie” to my family, and I love that familiarity. Even my husband Ross has a nickname, “Fuji” or “Fuj”! (Always shouted, as in, “Yo, Fuji! Whassup?” in only that way men talk to one another)

OK, just capturing this for posterity. (And secretly wondering what happens once I get 10 posts on this blog… does the last one disappear off of the page? Do I need 11 posts for another page? Am I the only dork in cyberspace who wonders these things?)

Tags: Keilani, malia

Today we had my 5-month-old’s 4-month checkup (don’t ask) and found out that she is one long lean baby! She is in the 90th percentile for her height for 5-month-olds, 25th percentile for weight, and 50th percentile for “head circumference”. We’ve never taken much stock in these “averages” or growth percentiles (and still don’t– just look at the amazing variety of adult shapes and sizes on this planet!), but this was just darned interesting as I thought she was pretty long (she’s already in 9-month footed zip-ups because she is so tall). Maybe she will be a supermodel (although I hope not– I wouldn’t wish that lifestyle on anyone!) or a WNBA player! (Or maybe she is just a tall baby and will grow up to be the smallest one in the family!) Whatever happens, it’s a lot of fun to imagine the possibilities.

I have an Uncle Mike whom Malia really reminds me of in so many ways, and this is just one more example– he is 6′6″ tall and has big feet, too, just like Malia! Malia darling, when you read this someday, when you were born we all commented on how big your cute feet were! You are also the most laid-back and happy baby, just like Uncle Mike, who never really troubles too much over anything (what a great quality), and you have the most adorable dimples (yes, just like Uncle Mike!) that we are all in envy over. I hope you have a wonderful, happy, healthy, long life filled with lots of love, and that you use those gorgeous feet to dance your way through any troubles that may come your way (and I hope those troubles are very few and far between!).

Tags: family, malia

Are ridiculously hard to come by. I have just spent the better part of an hour looking for just ONE decent photograph of all of us to use as the banner for this blog. We have one “OK” picture of us but it will not crop to the correct size. But really, out of the 10,000+ pictures we have, we have ONE decent one of all of us? My husband and I used to crack on other peoples’ Christmas card pictures of just the kids, saying, “Man, it’s all about the kids and they don’t even put a picture of themselves on there anymore!  That will never happen to us!”.

HAH! I now know WHY people do this– it is infinitely easier to take a picture of your kids alone than it is to get them to sit still long enough for the self-timer or to not grimace at a stranger offering to take a picture of all of us.

Mystery solved… and watch out for our next parent-less Christmas card!

Tags: family

So since I wrote such a lovely (hopefully) post on my in-laws, I didn’t want to leave my own mother out, just because she happened to visit before I started blogging!

I certainly won the “Mother” lottery, too. I have the absolute most amazing mom in the world. My mom raised me on her own since I was 3 (my dad died early of lung cancer although he never smoked), owning her own business and paying for my college education, too! It is only now that my husband and I are struggling with raising two young children together, paying the bills, and trying to save that I can even begin to understand the sacrifices she made for me (I never lacked for anything) and her unbelievable patience and love.

My mom, Grandma Jane, came to visit right after our youngest daughter Malia was born this year. Malia was 4 weeks early, but my mom dropped her entire life on a dime and came out early to help. (Mind you she still owns and runs a successful computer business and has lots of friends and family and her own life to live in Michigan!) For six full weeks she put up with my raging hormones, the crazy initial adjustment of growing from a family of 3 to a family of 4 (it is never easy on the eldest child to welcome a new sibling into the fold), cooked for us, cleaned for us, shopped for us, took my oldest daughter to the playground so that I could rest, and sooo much more.

I can only hope to be the kind of mother that she has always been to me, patient, loving, kind, inspiring, faithful, generous, selfless, strong, and a wonderful family relationship builder. I have a LONG ways to go, but that is my hope!

God Bless you, Mom, always.

Tags: family, grandma

Today I just have to brag a little and share how unbelievably lucky I am to have my in-laws. My husband’s parents are amazing– I definitely hit the In-Law jackpot! I feel so blessed to have them in my life (and in my daughters’ lives, too!).

Last week they came for a visit (why I haven’t posted recently) and it was wonderful– my MIL cooked for me EVERY night, my FIL cleaned up our front and back yards, fixed a broken closet door, shopped for all of the groceries, and washed both of our cars! AND, they did it all so sweetly and without being asked and in fact kept asking me what more they could do to help! (Aside from “please move in and live with us forever” I couldn’t think of a thing!) They are truly wonderful people with big hearts and generous spirits. I will be lucky if I can live my life the same way, and if I can raise my daughters with their values, too.

I have big shoes to fill!

Tags: grandpa, in-laws, tutu

This may not be very monumental for those of you without children, but to my husband and I this is a MAJOR achievement for our two-year-old! I cannot believe it is not listed on all of those “developmental milestone” charts! We have been waiting for MONTHS to hear anything in the affirmative from our daughter (”yes”, “yeah”, “ok”, “sure”, “yep”, “yup”– ANYTHING, we are not picky!) after what seems like eons worth of “No, no, no!”.

(You might wonder what our daughter did say when she wanted something like ice cream, candy, carousel ride, etc….. She would just echo it back to us: Us: “would you like some ice cream?” Keilani: “Ice cream?”. ARGH!)

As all of her sweet little friends ran around happily playing and saying all kinds of wonderful affirmatives to their parents we were beginning to wonder if she would EVER say something positive! But then it finally happened! This morning I asked her if she would like some “people” (a Japanese treat called Kokeshi Dolls that are wrapped up to look like little people) and not only did I get a “yes”…..(drumroll, please….)…… I got a “yes, PLEASE”! Wow. My heart is melting.

Tags: family, Keilani

Yesterday (Father’s Day) we took the girls down to Happy Hollow, a fairytale land in San Jose. We started the day feeling a little bit gloomy and morose as it was so foggy and cold and depressing in SF, but once we decided to head out of the fog our day blossomed before us like a beautiful flower and we had the best time!

Happy Hollow is paradise for a two-year old. I think that possibly our daughter had the MOST fun she has ever had, and she has had a lot of fun times in her life! (Hard not to when your whole life revolves around playing and “me” every day!).

She rode the sea-life carousel (3 times), the mini-horse carousel (7+ times), the “Dragon” train (3 times), the fire truck and police car ride (2 times), stuffed her face with pizza and french fries and apple juice (yes, we are THOSE parents who let our kids eat non-locally-grown and non-organic food from time to time and <gasp> even a little juice!), climbed all of the stairs and slid down every slide, explored the crooked house, fed the goats and donkeys and cows and more at the zoo, and just all in all had a wonderful day. And because she had so much fun, we of course did too!

There is something about watching your child laugh and dance and sing that just brings the biggest smile you can imagine to your heart… worth almost any price! And speaking of price, just what, you might ask, did this day of fun cost Mommy and Daddy? Answer: practically nothing! $18 for admission (2 adults, a 2-year-old, and an infant), gas down and back (which of course is no joke these days), an ICEE (because Daddy loves them), and $15 for pizza/french fries/sandwich…. Less than $50 for the whole day, which is less than we would spend on one breakfast out in San Francisco! We should create one of those MasterCard commercials….because the gleeful look on our daughter’s face when she rode the carousel and drove the fire engine ride all by herself was priceless.

Ahhhhh, good times, good times.

Tags: family, Keilani

My almost 28-month-old daughter Keilani has a favorite song, “Rock-a-Kani” (sung to the old favorite “Rockabye Baby”) that she likes me to sing for her whenever she needs some comfort:

Rockabye Kani,
In the blue chair,
When the wind blows,
It messes up our hair,

When the wind stops,
We laugh and we sing,
And we go to the playground,
To swing on the swings!

I love that my daughter loves music as much as I do! We attend two music classes each week, and I have to confess that they are as much fun for Mommy as they are for Keilani. I hope she will grow up with a love of music and dancing and that it will add a lot of joy to her life.

Her current favorites to sing are (in no particular order):

• Rain, rain, go away
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
• The ABC Song
• The Wheels on the Bus (particularly “Beep beep beep!”)
• Great Big Stars
• Su La Li (particularly enjoys saying “Freeze!” to command others to stop in the middle of the song)

And many more. She sings joyously, constantly, crazily, and I love it.

Tags: family, Keilani