My husband and I (OK, particularly my husband, but I am learning daily) have always been pretty environmentally conscious. We reduce, reuse, and recycle regularly, we compost, we rinse out Ziploc bags, use reusable canvas bags at the grocery store, don’t shop very much or “consume” many products, use public transportation, etc. I’m sure there is always more we can do (and please feel free to make some suggestions — we’re always looking for better ways to do things!) but for the most part we really try hard to be as “green” as possible.

However, sometime over the past three years we have stumbled GREATLY. Suddenly I am driving everywhere, in a “big gas-guzzling SUV” that was the only thing we could find that we thought would hold three carseats (and now that we have two carseats in there already, that third one is going to be a mighty tight fit!). It is nearly impossible to take MUNI with two young children and a stroller (see here for more on that…), and I’m using more Ziploc bags for sandwiches and carrots and other lunch goodies than I ever thought was possible!

And don’t even let me get started on our “digital clutter”….we have thousands of digital pictures and videos stored on hard drives that are destined to become obsolete and buried in the “Electronic Hazardous Waste” graveyard in just a few years, not to mention cellphones that are quickly becoming outdated, PC’s, digital cameras, and more.

We buy stuff now, too. Lots of stuff. TONS of stuff. For “non-stuff-oriented” people, “stuff” has basically exploded all over our house! We have baby gates and high chairs and bouncy seats and a Gymini and teethers and stuffed animals and hundreds of plastic toys (probably all made in China) and cribs and baby clothes and baby silverware and baby plates and baby wipes and diapers and…. well, you get the idea. We are swimming in a huge pool of STUFF and it’s truly insane and drives us crazy, and yet, we somehow still seem to accumulate MORE instead of “cutting back” and living with less!

There was a study released just yesterday in the UK on how children are more likely to remember a day at the beach with their parents than the latest new gadget or toy. I fully believe this is true, as when I look back at my own childhood I definitely remember the experiences that I had far more than the toys that I played with (well, except maybe for Star Wars — the Millenium Falcon was really cool!). But despite this fact, we still seem to accumulate so much STUFF for our girls! Yes, a lot of it is gifts, and some are generous hand-me-downs, but the end result is the same — we are drowning in stuff.

And the amazing thing is, except for a very few toys, both Keilani and Malia are pretty much non-interested in this stuff! The most fascinating object for Keilani is whatever Mommy or Daddy is using at the time, whether it be our real cellphones (not the cute pink plastic one that is “hers”), our keys, a wooden spoon (still interesting even after 2 years), etc. And Malia at this point is pretty much fascinated by everything — a plastic bag, a cardboard box, watching leaves sway on a tree (actually I like watching that, too!).

We tell ourselves that we are holding on to these things until Baby #3 arrives, should we decide to have him/her in the future, but I somehow doubt that Baby #3 will be any more interested than Keilani and Malia are!

So what is a family of four to do? Boycott all toys? Go down to a 5-toy-per-child limit? Move someplace where we can walk everywhere? There are definitely steps that we can take and as we become more aware of our environmental impact I look forward to seeing how we can do things better. Much better!

Got any ideas? We’ve a long way to go and would love to hear them!

After waking the absolute bare-minimum required to let her out of her room I fall back into bed (it’s 5:45AM!) and my mini-me follows me. “Sleep in Mommy’s bed, yes?” she “asks”. “OK, yes, fine, but you have to SLEEP, Keilani! And don’t wake up your sister!” I mumble, trying not to wake up anymore than I already have.

Seconds later my mini-me has wedged as much of herself as is humanly possible against my body, despite the vastness of our queen-size bed, and begins to thrash around. “Get up, Mommy? PEAS, Mommy, get up! Peas?” she asks. I pretend to sleep, praying for just a few more minutes of blissful rest and hope that she doesn’t wake up her sister. As Malia stirs, however, I realize the day has dawned and I must get up.

My mini-me follows me to the bathroom where we get ready for the day, “Mommy wash her face, yes?” she asks and has me lift her into her special seat on the counter to watch. “Mommy needs to make her coffee, honey”, I reply groggily, but do wash my face and dust a little powder onto her cheek as I put some on my own.

My mini-me knows that we need to turn the baby monitor on for Malia, “Need the monitor, Mommy, Kani do it?” and follows me down to the kitchen. As I make my coffee my mini-me opens our beverage refrigerator and peruses the selection, finally settling on a 100% apple juice box and pouring it into a cup before drinking it (she has just recently mastered pouring and still manages to splash quite a bit of juice onto the floor as well as into her cup).

The rest of the day progresses in much the same manner — when Malia cries Keilani shouts, “It’s OK Baby, Mommy’s coming! Don’t cry Baby!” and rushes to beat me upstairs to get to Malia first (she loves her sister very much!). When I go to sit down on our couch to nurse Malia my mini-me arrives there just ahead of me and I end up sitting on top of her, trying not to squish her but laughing loudly — she loves this game, and nurses her baby “Tina” right beside me as I nurse Malia.

My mini-me next wants to “work on something, Mommy, yes?” at Daddy’s computer while I work on mine alongside her, and she then calls Daddy or Grandma as I do and talks on the phone to them, hardly needing my help and cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder as she’s seen me do a thousand times.

My mini-me is the best and worst of me, giving loving care to her beautiful baby sister but also lecturing and yelling at her, “No, Baby, No! Don’t spill Baby! That’s not NICE, Baby!” as I’ve said (OK shouted) to Keilani many times before, and when I hear her I am looking in a mirror in which my parenting is perfectly reflected back in all its “glory” (and gory!).

I hope that I am fostering more of the loving warmth and less of the “No, Baby, NO!” in her, but only time will tell. In the meantime, I love my little mini-me with all of my heart, and her baby sister, too! Malia already looks at Keilani with such rapt adoration; it is only a matter of time before Keilani has a little mini-me of her own.

It’s true…Keilani has recently discovered the magic of pretend-play, thanks I’m sure to her new friend Boobaby, and her most favorite game (aside from pretend calling her favorite people on the phone, which is adorable) is “Let’s find parking!”.

To play “Let’s find parking!”, Keilani pushes her little toy stroller or grocery cart all around the house, talking to her baby doll and saying, “Come Baby, come! We need to find parking! Oh! There’s a spot!”. She will then careen the stroller or cart wildly, pulling into the “spot” and performing the parking cheer—”YAY Baby! We found parking! YAY!” This is good for almost twenty minutes of fun with endless variations on the theme.

I guess I sort of expected Keilani to play “house” and “school” and “fort” growing up, as I did, but it never occurred to me that:

1. We live nowhere near any sort of nature where she could really build a fort, and
2. We look for parking at least three times a day, and sometimes more, even though we live in the “suburban” area of the City where there is usually plentiful parking!

You might ask why we don’t take public transportation more often, as those of you who knew us before we had kids (BK) know that we were pretty environmentally conscious even before it became “cool” to be “green”. Well, it is next-to-impossible to manhandle a 30-pound toddler, a 13-pound infant, a 19-pound stroller (even the “ultra-light umbrella models” weigh 11 pounds!), and a 3-pound diaper bag onto the bus, particularly when they require you to take said kids and bags out of the stroller (and do what with them? have the toddler stand in the street? hand the baby to some random stranger? lie the baby down in the street?) and fold the stroller and then somehow lift all 65 pounds onto the bus without dropping anything (especially the baby!)? Impossible!

So Keilani and Malia will probably play “parking” for as long as we live in the City (or at least until MUNI changes its stroller policy… hint, hint MUNI!), but hopefully they will also learn to play “recycling” and “compost” and maybe even “fort” someday, too. In the meantime, I do love hearing Keilani say, “Let’s go Baby! We found parking!”

Day Four of potty-training again met with mixed success. On the previous evening Keilani watched a DVD that we had purchased called “Potty Power” and lo and behold, she LOVES this DVD! This is a girl who has shown absolutely no interest in television or videos whatsoever her entire life, but let me tell you, she LOVES this video! From the animated toilet-paper roll (“TP”) to the cheesy songs enacted out by real “big kids” (“No more diapers for me!”, “I’m a Big Kid Now!”, “Wipe Your Bottom” and many more) to the fairy tale of the Princess and the Potty, this video is a bona fide HIT!

This video really upped Keilani’s motivation and on Day Four she wanted to wear her “Big Girl” underwear and really worked hard to make it to the potty all day. I am very proud of her—she only had two accidents and multiple successes!

It was also the first day we ventured out of the house for more than an hour—we ended up going to the Bay Area Discovery Museum at the last minute (amazing place if you have never been!) and I quickly packed up all of the potty essentials (multiple changes of clothes—check, towel for the carseat—check, portable toilet seat—check, sense of humor for all of the anticipated accidents—check!).

Keilani is definitely getting the hang of holding her pee in (almost too well I think, but more on that later…) and she actually peed successfully in the potty at the museum! By the way, this is a HUGE workload for the parent if you are also carrying around another infant—Keilani’s little sister was snug in the Baby Bjorn and while wearing her I had to pick up Keilani, RUN her and Malia across the grounds to the nearest bathroom, climb over a small fence to avoid running all the way around on the path (she would never have made it), lug the portable toilet seat out of the potty bag (yes, we still have a “diaper” bag, except now it is a “potty” bag), and finally squat down on the nasty bathroom floor to cheer Keilani on. Whew. And did she pee in the potty?

NO! FALSE ALARM! Sigh.

However, the NEXT time she DID! SUCCESS! I was so proud of her—her very first successful pee outside of the house!

Now if we could just get her to poop in the potty instead of on Mommy and Daddy’s bed…

Honestly, though, reading about this approach it sounded very sensible and attainable—there is actually a ton of preparation and hard work that occurs before the “Big Day”, and it seemed like a nice middle ground between the “all-naked-all-weekend” approach (which we would have to do indoors here in SF and which would come with a hefty carpet-cleaning bill I am sure) and the “just-let-your-child-tell-you-when-she-is-ready-go-at-her-own-pace” approach (which I worried wouldn’t have Keilani potty-trained until she was 10 years old).

This “Dr. Phil” approach (not that I’m a big Dr. Phil person or anything, but I did buy into his “seal of approval” a little bit) advocates that the best way to have your child learn something is for them to teach someone else. This makes sense, and so you buy this cute little anatomically-correct doll that your child can feed and it pees on command. By having your child teach the doll how to go potty on the “big girl potty”, your child also learns what to do. (You can read more about this approach here.)

In Preparation for “The Big Day”

So, we did our prep and hard work—talked up all of the wonderful things our daughter can do because she is a “Big Girl”, took her shopping for special “Big Girl” underwear and cotton training pants, introduced her to the new doll (she loved playing with the doll), bought the special toilet seats for tiny bottoms and a little stepstool, and prepared her (and ourselves) for her big “Potty Party”.

The Big Day!

On Keilani’s “Big Day” we changed the doll into her “big girl training pants” and changed Keilani into hers, and did a “Hooray! No more diapers!” cheer. Keilani fed the doll and taught her how to “go pee” on the toilet very successfully with some help from Mommy and Daddy. We cheered and cheered for the doll and let the doll have a special treat (a jellybean, which Keilani ate). So far, so good! We explained that big girls went pee on the potty and always had dry underpants—the “desired” behavior we were hoping for from our daughter. We then had Keilani practice peeing on the potty (the whole routine—go to the potty, pull down your pants, pee, wipe, flush, wash hands) and she was really happy. We did a “dry pants check” on the doll and Keilani and they were both dry so each got another special treat.

Accidents Will Happen…

However, before we could make the doll have an accident, Keilani peed her own pants! (According to the book, you are supposed to make the doll have an accident and then show your child the “negative consequences” of an accident by making the doll practice going potty 10 times.) As we hadn’t “taught” the doll this behavior yet we didn’t make Keilani do any “practice runs”. Instead, we calmly cleaned her up and put on new training pants and said that pee goes in the potty. We could tell that she was a little upset when she went pee (I’m sure she had no idea what was happening—diapers these days keep kids so dry they hardly ever feel wet) and we were positive and supportive and said, “that’s OK, you’re just learning, that’s how everyone learns, and next time you’ll go in the potty!”. Sure enough, the next time she DID go pee in the potty and we threw her a little potty party!

“Hooray!”, we thought, “She did it!” and we were so excited and happy for her. She was so proud of herself, too, which was terrific. She received another special treat and a sticker for her chart and we thought “She gets it! We’re on the home stretch!”

More Accidents…

However, it went downhill quickly from there… Keilani had several more accidents all day long and only one other minor success (actually she coughed while on the potty and a little pee came out).

The book said that by the end of the day your child should have initiated going pee in the potty twice and that you can then consider them successfully trained (minus a few more accidents in the upcoming days and bowel movement training).

I was beginning to understand that this “Just One Day” method might in fact take several more days than we had anticipated! I wasn’t sure if Keilani was just not ready (possibly), or if we were just lousy teachers (probably), or a combination of the two (most likely), but Keilani had accident after accident throughout the rest of the day.

We did our best to cheer her on, watch her closely, and get her on the potty successfully, but to no avail—by the end of the day she had had only two “successes” (if you count the cough, and believe me we were counting everything at that point!) and 10 accidents! She didn’t seem to be recognizing the feeling BEFORE she needed to go—several times she peed immediately after getting off of the potty, and once right on the bathroom floor before she even had her “big girl training pants” back up!

At the end of the day, we concluded that she was just not ready yet and made plans to go to a local county fair the next day to get us all out of the house and enjoy the rare sunny summer heat wave happening in San Francisco.

Day Two of “Just One Day” Potty Training

However, the next morning Keilani woke up SUPER-EXCITED about the potty and in the morning actually *initiated* going to the potty all by herself AND had a huge successful pee in the potty! Hooray! We were so proud of her and decided to at least give her the morning and see what happened before throwing in the towel.

Sure enough, she peed successfully in the potty a few more times, but also had a few more accidents. But she was SO EXCITED to be a “big girl” and SO EXCITED to use the potty and SO PROUD of herself that we kept on keeping on, and Day Two passed with a few more successful pees and many more accidents.

Day Three of “Just One Day” Potty Training

Today is Day Three of our “Just One Day” potty-training story and Keilani still hasn’t initiated going pee in the potty twice (although she’s gone successfully in the potty several more times with our prompting). She is also constipated, for I think possibly the first time ever! I’m not sure if this new milestone is making her feel threatened in some way (or if she has just eaten too many chocolate M&M’s over the past two days), but she has not pooped since Saturday morning before we started the training! Today she asked for her diapers back (I could tell she needed to poop) and I of course said “sure” and put one on her because I think she’s afraid to poop in the potty and I don’t want her first poop in the potty to be painful (nor any of them, for that matter!).

So at Day Three we are currently back in diapers and waiting to see how the week progresses. If she just does not seem to be ready then we will drop it and stick with diapers for now, but if she is interested at home maybe we will keep it up here at least and see how she does with it. She really does love being a “Big Girl” and is always so proud of herself when she does go pee on the potty! She loves wearing her “Big Girl” underwear (Gerber Cotton Training Pants) and loves putting her success stickers on her chart.

Conclusion

Now that I have dialed my expectations down a little bit from my former “Just One Day!” mindset, it appears that we are indeed using the “just-let-your-child-lead-the-way” approach, and I’m happy with that! I’ll keep you posted on our (her) progress—hopefully Mommy and Daddy can help her figure it all out before she is 10!

I have an Uncle Mike whom Malia really reminds me of in so many ways, and this is just one more example– he is 6′6″ tall and has big feet, too, just like Malia! Malia darling, when you read this someday, when you were born we all commented on how big your cute feet were! You are also the most laid-back and happy baby, just like Uncle Mike, who never really troubles too much over anything (what a great quality), and you have the most adorable dimples (yes, just like Uncle Mike!) that we are all in envy over. I hope you have a wonderful, happy, healthy, long life filled with lots of love, and that you use those gorgeous feet to dance your way through any troubles that may come your way (and I hope those troubles are very few and far between!).

HAH! I now know WHY people do this– it is infinitely easier to take a picture of your kids alone than it is to get them to sit still long enough for the self-timer or to not grimace at a stranger offering to take a picture of all of us.

Mystery solved… and watch out for our next parent-less Christmas card!

I certainly won the “Mother” lottery, too. I have the absolute most amazing mom in the world. My mom raised me on her own since I was 3 (my dad died early of lung cancer although he never smoked), owning her own business and paying for my college education, too! It is only now that my husband and I are struggling with raising two young children together, paying the bills, and trying to save that I can even begin to understand the sacrifices she made for me (I never lacked for anything) and her unbelievable patience and love.

My mom, Grandma Jane, came to visit right after our youngest daughter Malia was born this year. Malia was 4 weeks early, but my mom dropped her entire life on a dime and came out early to help. (Mind you she still owns and runs a successful computer business and has lots of friends and family and her own life to live in Michigan!) For six full weeks she put up with my raging hormones, the crazy initial adjustment of growing from a family of 3 to a family of 4 (it is never easy on the eldest child to welcome a new sibling into the fold), cooked for us, cleaned for us, shopped for us, took my oldest daughter to the playground so that I could rest, and sooo much more.

I can only hope to be the kind of mother that she has always been to me, patient, loving, kind, inspiring, faithful, generous, selfless, strong, and a wonderful family relationship builder. I have a LONG ways to go, but that is my hope!

God Bless you, Mom, always.

Last week they came for a visit (why I haven’t posted recently) and it was wonderful– my MIL cooked for me EVERY night, my FIL cleaned up our front and back yards, fixed a broken closet door, shopped for all of the groceries, and washed both of our cars! AND, they did it all so sweetly and without being asked and in fact kept asking me what more they could do to help! (Aside from “please move in and live with us forever” I couldn’t think of a thing!) They are truly wonderful people with big hearts and generous spirits. I will be lucky if I can live my life the same way, and if I can raise my daughters with their values, too.

I have big shoes to fill!